Recently I have been dealing with doubts about what my life philosophy is.
Yeah, Sure, I love people- I want to spread kindness and love and support and one day actually help people (Possibly save people's lives) But then I think about how much I have changed over these years - specifically the last year and a half. I have become someone different than who I was coming out of high school and starting college. Yeah, it's pretty fucking "normal" for that to happen...but for me it was like an identity crisis. For me it was like the facets of how I understood my ego were falling apart and I was a caricature of who I once was. But get this: Since then I have found a happiness beyond what I thought was happiness. I have found some sort of reasoning to live beyond academic success and maintaining an image that is supposed to be perfect. I am learning that my flaws are making me beautiful. I am learning that sometimes I am not even that flawed. I am learning that I don't need to have all my shit together.. Because what is the point of living this life and learning new things everyday if I already did have all my shit together? I battled with expanding my horizons and what I really wanted out of life. I dabbled with breaking straight edge and found some weird solace in things psychedelic. I learned to be honest with myself. But that maybe I can be honest with other people too. I found love at a different level that I can't convey to people - and I don't even fucking care if people understand. I found an internal happiness that I want to radiate out but still get too afraid to do that because what if it all falls apart? But maybe I can become a bit more confident. Maybe I can bend my own twisted ideas and break a cycle I used to find myself into - Because I am getting better. So, if I were to explain my new life philosophy.. I would say: It's ok to not be ok - Things come, And things pass - Bad things don't last And people can break through From chains Binding them, Without shattering Like glass - But if in some way we break, We can be repaired. Because we aren't stalled Or hopeless And our past Doesn't color The future - No, A neon light So bright, Colors the future in hues. Our reality is what we make of it now, And how we can learn from it later. So live, and learn. And shine on, You crazy diamond. -Alex
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I was a flower like everyone else. But, I never blossomed. My petals never flared. The sun never got to shine over me. I was a broken flower. In the garden I was alone by myself. The other flowers blossomed and grew. As they grew, I became weaker. I couldn’t grow. I had no passion to grow. I wanted to die. How a flower only seven weeks old could wanted to die? I was a flower like everyone else, but when it rained and Mother Nature’s tears hit the glistening rocks nearby I saw myself. The other flowers always told me that I was ugly. The laughing, the snickering, I was an outcast. I saw myself through tears of Mother Nature, which became my tears for the five weeks, until one morning. The morning that the other flowers, ready to once again, make me feel like I was nothing. But that morning I wasn’t even capable of taking in the harassment. I tried so hard to stand strong on the ground I grew from, but that I spent time feeling myself grow so weak. I tried to scream for help, but I couldn’t. I was too scared to reveal to my roots that the creation they waited so long to see, was struggling to fathom the marks on my leaves the other flowers left. The other flowers came to diminish my self-worth, but how could they do anything if I wasn’t there. I was flower, I was a broken flower trying to fit in and be like the other flowers only to be an outcast. Now, I was a dead flower. My dry petals soaking in the dirt. This was only the beginning my continuous internal deaths. There would be more poisons flowers to come and I was die numerous of times, every time wondering when it would end. I was a flower like everyone else. I was a broken flower. I was a dead flower. I was a flower like everyone else. -k. In my family, the holidays are more about being around family less about the holiday.
For thanksgiving, me, my mom, and my sisters start cooking and cleaning the day before. We always do it to Christmas music. In my family that is when you can officially start to listen to Christmas music. We make the same jokes about each other, like how I can't cook or how my mom will clean any and everything she can get her hands on. The next day we continue with Christmas music and tighten up lose ends while we wait for the rest of my family to show up. we start to bring the food to the dining room and we sit at the table. Before we eat we say a prayer. While we eat we watch the football game. Thanksgiving for us is a great time to catch up with each other. Its a great time to appreciate each other and talk about old times. -Monique A. Steward Care Currency ProjectKnowledge has value.
Everyone has a different background and different experiences which you collected a specific set of knowledge. The way that communities naturally strive is from interactions that share individual knowledge and leads to a collective knowledge. UIC doesn't have a strong sense of student community on campus (yet) so we lack that sharing of knowledge. Lucky for you, you attend a university rich with diverse human experiences. The answers to questions and opportunity for interaction is out there. On the ground level, this diverse university is separated. So how do these valuable experiences benefit each other if people aren't interacting? It does not matter where you grew up; wherever it was you learned some important things about survival, and success. But you didn’t learn everything, and neither did the person sitting next to you. This project seeks to provide a gateway to solutions “Nuggets of Wisdom” have been collected and recorded on metaphorical bills (i.e., Monopoly Money). These pieces of currency are being distributed three times a semester, each run with a different theme. There are three areas of valuable with this project. 1.) The knowledge on the bill is valuable in itself. 2.) Those handing out the monopoly money or contributing to the wisdom creates an opportunity for interaction with a new person! 3.) This project is part of a great organization (SWC) that bring unity and community to UIC through many different avenues. If you received a nugget of wisdom we hope that it provided you value in your pursuit of success and survival. Of equal importance, we hope that you will contribute your own wisdom so that someone may find value from your experience. To learn more or to get involved, contact our organization. The world today is beautiful place. When you read that statement how does it make you feel? Would you agree? Or do you think it might be more true to say we have lost our way? We have become a extremely scientific society, based on the belief of observation. We have hoisted ourselves to the pinnacle of life on the planet and therefore determined our ability of observation to be unassailable. We know this is faulty logic though because we don't have the best sight, sense of smell, sensitivity of touch or taste and certainly not hearing. We can make tools to do these things for us but in our design of this technology we imbue the machine with our understanding of what we are measuring and therefore further our bias in the observation. What I hope to call into question here is well... everything we think we know. We find ourselves at an inflection point in history which begs us to question the foundation of our existence. Our disconnection found in the age of the internet has grown to epic proportions not seen since the times of the Roman Empire evidenced by the extreme disproportionate distribution of "wealth" in the world. The vehicle of globalization has accelerated the movement of wealth and proliferated neoliberal ideas without allowing the same movement of people as the internet has moved money from physical marks to blips on a screen and national barriers are as stringent as ever as an existential fear drives a wedge between "us" and "them". What can we do to heal this divide? Learn more about ourselves and in so doing find our passions. Once we have oriented ourselves based off of what we LOVE rather than what we HAVE to or are SUPPOSED to do we will find our ship will naturally take us where we want to go. We all know there is a way for the world to be more beautiful. We all have a stirring in our hearts when we think of Heaven on Earth. What would it take to get to that place? Who would you be? What would you do? Anything is Possible, Everybody Counts, Let's Get it Done! Keaton Fisher It is with my first blog post that I want to speak on something I never thought I'd have to. Something that sits as weight on my shoulders and something quite heavy. Something like life. Something like death. Now, I must say before sharing this story that it has been some time since I spoke with him, and it has been some time since I have seen him. But remembering the moments I did share with him in our freshman year together, are moments I will never forget. And again before sharing my outlook on his story, I give my deepest condolences to those much closer to Jamanni Gibson. Those like his family, close friends, and the rest of us who at the time - called our group "squad". Yesterday, I was notified of the devastating news that my dear friend had passed away. His name was Jamanni Gibson - a beautiful soul who attended classes here at UIC and later enlisted in the army. He planned to take a canoe and kayaking trip when he was off-duty. And he planned he was going to go and embrace this wonderful life and all the simplicity and natural scenery it has to offer. Jay passed away in an accident on the lake a couple days ago. Jay, an old and lively soul - passed too early and too young. When thinking on what happened to Jay and all those affected by this, I often go back-and-fourth in emotions. Sadness in the way he passed, guilt for not speaking to him more, and anger for the universe taking him so early. However, I also feel positive emotions. I feel comfort instead of sadness or anger when I think of his life and age. The universe took Jay, yes, too early for us to understand, but the universe took him at the right time. The universe took Jay when he fulfilled his purpose and journey here. And I have comfort in knowing Jay is onto better things now. I also feel gratitude instead of guilt when I think of our relationship. Jay continued to speak to me, accept me, and hear my voice regardless of my mistakes in my faulty freshman year associations and influences. Jay also had the ability to make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and as if I was so worthy of love. Jay would say, "Ooooo, I wanna take you home and show you off to my momma!" as he picked me up and would swirl me around. Jay had this flattering effect on many people and everyone felt so loved and beautiful with Jay. And I have comfort in knowing Jay always loved others, and Jay was and is always loved. So, I suggest to all of you reading this, that you stay aware of everything you do and say to those you love because you truly never know when it is your or their last breath. And I ask that you do not feel anger, sadness, or guilt when it comes to your relationships' end. Instead, feel gratitude. Because I ought to tell you, I'm sure happy I kept the good relationship with Jay that I did...even if it was distant. Because I want to be sure that Jay and all my friends and family know how much I love them. Because I want to be sure that on his Jay's last breath, he knew just how much he impacted the little time he had with me. Because I want to be sure he knew he was loved by me and everyone else in his life. -Allie The following is a poem I wrote regarding this past summer. It was a summer of confusion, sadness, and regret.
Nicotine High We dry pop cigarettes In my living room. Hoping- Wishing- Pleading- Even fucking bleeding That this won't end too soon. Talking nonsense- Baby gibberish Of conversations, Now lost. You buff the Black n Mild- Blow smoke in my face And say that you love me. But, you don't. I know. See, I don't think I loved you either. I wanted to believe I did- But I hid My true emotions Like Christmas presents, And unwrapping them whenever I needed to feel something. I know you are named after a spice- But that spice has turned sour Past the expiration date, You dissociate in an hour. Get me high- Because you "Fucking love drugs." And for some reason You couldn't have it with me Being sober. I used to be a good kid, Then I think about all the Things we did. I hate who I let you Turn me into. It's my fault, though. I let the oceans Of my tears, words, and blood Reach high tide And I sailed myself out to you. Doing things I never wanted to, Kicking people out of my life- Making up a new strife, Again slitting my wrists with a knife. I went crazy with you. And it's my fault, But now I am fixing myself, Separating myself from you, Doing what I have to In order to find myself again. Dry popping cigarettes And inhaling cancer. That is your life now, Not mine. -Alex Hello, world! Thanks for checking out the Feels Trip website, podcast, and blog. Let’s start with a little information about ourselves. Feels Trip is the brainchild of University of Illinois Chicago students (check out our team page) with the help of Dr. Christopher Baker and our lovely teaching assistant Sarah Hernandez. It all started in the Fall 2016 semester of Dr. Baker’s Community Psychology class. Dr. Baker’s idea for his class was to facilitate a place where students could take action on important social justice issues, especially those affecting college students. That being said, we decided to come together and focus on student wellness as the driving point of advocacy in our group, as it is something that affects every college student. We came up with the idea to create a podcast where the voices of the students could be (literally) heard. Well, the wheels kept rolling and as the semester came to a close, a few of us decided we didn’t want to stop working on this project. So we’re taking this venture to the next level and currently making Feels Trip an official organization at UIC. We are stoked to keep bringing our ideas to fruition. So what does Feels Trip actually do? We talk about feelings, of course! Most importantly, we talk openly about all kinds of student wellness issues, not just physically or mentally. Topics could range anywhere from test anxiety to the stress of being an immigrant in our current political climate to important resources every college student should be aware of. We want our space to feel comfortable and easy-going, but also pay respect to some challenging issues we may discuss. We have all struggled as students in the city of Chicago in our own way and feel that by talking about any issues we have encountered, or personal suggestions and stories we may have, we can truly benefit our campus as a whole. We aim to build equality, respect and care for the other humans, and unity on this campus. Not only that, we just want people, especially students and young folks, to feel that they have an outlet to speak! Gone are the days where you have to suffer alone or feel like you’re bothering someone when you need to talk about what’s truly going on in your psyche and in our world. Our platform for spreading the word is through our podcast, blogs and social media. We have a lot of plans for the future, including Feels Trip events and bringing guests in for our podcasts. You can stay up-to-date with Feels Trip by subscribing to our podcast/blogs and checking out our general Student Wellness Collective Facebook page and Instagram! Imagine this podcast as a tool that lets you take a peek into everyone’s thoughts, like a movie playing at a drive-in theater. You can listen to this jumble of people’s thoughts and witness the openness and acceptance in the podcast. It’s a safe space and an enjoyable discussion that shuts out stereotypes and accepts everyone in their feelings and thoughts. Welcome to the Feels Trip. We're so happy that you're here! -Kayla + The Feels Trip Staff (Pictured above: Michael, Kayla, Alex, Pearl, and Tom; Not pictured: Allie, Sarah, Daisy, Dorothy, Dr. Baker)
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About:The Student Wellness Collective is an all-inclusive organization that aims to create unity on campus and only focus on improvements. Archives
January 2019
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